What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:41
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Hey girls can we see some anal play?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
How often do you watch the news on TV?
She loved him until the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why do you allow your cat to lie in bed with you?
She was in good health!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
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She found it foreign!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why are white women dating more black guys than ever?
My life is so biszare .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
We all went to grammer schools
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do many Hong Kong Chinese look different from the Han Chinese in mainland China?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She married twice! .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why has no country adopted the SA80/L85 rifle?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Comes on , in middle age.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I have no regrets .
Why did i forgive my father ?
And i lived it daily.
What did i know ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I think the readers, may guess!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One cannot live in the past .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I said to her
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I will be 64.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So, i spoilt her more .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was scared of men, in general
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But, we were locked up after school.
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She wouldn,t have been !
Im still living with it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Would this be the day?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Who then, do I blame.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
When she asked me how she looked .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Ive learnt so much.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
It was going to be , some day.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was seconnd youngest,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He knew the spot.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We were not on the streets..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was 9 years of age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My family never makes their pension either.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So whats the point in blame.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
Put me off passion for life!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..